Let me try to recreate our conversation here:

Friend: Hey man, how’s the site doing?

Me: We’re having fun with it!

Friend: You know, once you get Doing My Wife really rolling, you are gonna get so much pussy!

Me: WTF are you talking about?

Friend: Yea man, I was looking at a bunch of other adult blogs, and in some of them the webmaster dude was talking about his encounters with all these beautiful chicks. I’m talking porn star pussy here Scotty! You know, there would be a picture of some hot slut, then he would describe how he fucked them and tore up the pussy!

Me: Um, that’s wonderful. Have you ever heard of a thing called ‘fiction’?

Friend: Fuck that! That ain’t fiction homie, it’s more like friction! You are gonna get L-A-I-D, and I mean LAID! (Then his expression turned to one of great revelation, and you could see he was obviously trying not to look stupid). I-I mean, yea, I know it’s fiction, yea, I knew it was all along.

Me: Yea, I know you did.

Friend: Well anyway, you should write shit like that! You’ll look like a friggin’ stud, not like the hoser that you really are! (Now he’s getting defensive). Forget your stupid Babe Shrine and dumb stories, make people think that you fuck all the bitches on your site, not just Dd! And say you picked them up from some adult personals site, that way they will think that they would be able to fuck them too!

Me: You are a true visionary.

Friend: Absolutely! All they do is say shit about the bitch, like “Tiffany fucked me like a whore in a lumber camp” or “Hannah’s flexible snatch gobbled up my cock like Pac Man on crystal meth”. Just make it sound like you were really there!

Me: Wow, like the cute blondie from Hannah’s Honeypot? She wouldn’t give me the time of day though.

Friend: Well, your readers don’t need to know that and they will think you actually did.

Me: Like I said, you are a true visionary.

So with that, welcome to the first installment in the ‘Wives I Have Fucked’ series!

I was hangin’ out at Venice Beach the other day, working on my tan and waiting for a hot piece of ass that I had met on the adult personals site Fling. All of a sudden, I hear this sexy little voice say, “Hey big boy!”

I turned to look at the source of this voice, but found myself staring straight ahead into nothing. Puzzled, I looked right to left but still could not detect the source. Suddenly I felt a faint poking feeling on my thigh. I looked down and to my utter astonishment, the hottest little bitch I had ever seen was standing before me!

Her face was conveniently located exactly at crotch height! Her sweet, red lips were so close to my cock that I began to show a faint buldge!

I was being hit on by a little person! (Yes, I am being pc).

“Come with me to The Phantom”, she said.

I replied, “Don’t you mean The Wizard? The Wonderful Wizard Of Oz? Is this the yellow brick road to your little snatch my sexy munchkin?!”

“No douchebag”, she said, “The Phantom, the hottest Reggae club around here!”

“Ohhh”, I lied, “I know that place!”

I agreed to meet her at The Phantom in twenty minutes. So I hurried to my car to change into something more appropriate. As I approached my totally awesome Kia Spectra (small car, small women I guess) I began to get a boner! I was so excited!

I changed into my fucking awesome yellow shirt and put on my Captain Jack Sparrow Halloween wig. I mean, it is a reggae club and I wanted to be cool and fit in! Luckily she had mentioned exactly where The Phantom was located, so I headed off…

I met her there, and after about three hours of pounding beers we went at it!

I licked her steaming snatch like there was no tomorrow, her little body writhing in ecstasy!

As I was lopping up her labia’s, she informed me that she was married. I told her not to worry, cause I was the mighty webmaster of Doing My Wife, and I was used to this sort of thing. That was all it took! She got ten times wetter and said she wanted to fuck me like a whore in a lumber camp! (My friend will be happy I used that line).

But before she gets my cock in her snatch, the little bitch is gonna lick it first!

I forced her head (which surprisingly was like normal size) down onto my massive dick and watched her as she gobbled up my cock like Pac Man on crystal meth! In between slurps of my dick, I think she was trying to tell me about a time she was on the Howard Stern Show or some shit, but I couldn’t really make out what the fuck she was trying to say.

After sucking my dick for a while, the little bitch could take no more and needed to feel me in her wet snatch!

Well I was quick to oblige her and easily got her into position! She rode my cock like a jockey and her size literally made her look like one!

She reminded me of a little bobble head figurine as she rode my shaft. Up and down she went until her pussy began dripping with the nectar of her orgasm! She was so wet that her juices got all over my sexy yellow shirt! It took me three bottles of Tide, five bottles of spray and wash, and two tubs of oxy clean to wash that shit out!

We had a grand old time! Although fucking her was a tall order, I was never afraid of coming up short. She fucked me like a porn star in the big leagues and anything now will just dwarf in comparison to her!

Thanks Fling for hooking me up with this bitch! Now I’m gonna head to Dunkin’ Donuts for a box of Munchkins!

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